Saturday, February 8, 2014

Regrets, What Ifs, and my Personal Writing for Publication Struggles

I often don’t go into my struggles so publicly and often not even to those I know well but I thought why not just get it out. Maybe others feel the same but I don’t want it to seem that I think my little problems compared to some problems are more devastating or something. I know people out there are suffering and have far more problems than I but that doesn’t mean my problems or anyone else’s are any less important to me or them.


I have some regrets as many do about a few things. I am 26 years old but I feel I have wasted the last 6 or 7 years.


Back in 2007 after I graduated from High School I was going to go to Europe for a while and my parents said I should save the money I had. So I didn’t go.


Then late 2007 into mid 2008 there was a Breaking into Print Program that would have given me college credit, refund guarantee if not satisfied and one on one instruction. Only one third of applicants are offered enrollment and I was accepted after my writing test was evaluated. Back then the 2 year program would have cost nearly $900. The program has a good track record. Also their guarantee and promise is by time a person completes Breaking into Print program they have at least 2 manuscripts that are suitable for submission to editors, write a character sketch, and plans for 6 stories or articles, and 8 complete manuscripts.


Well I was incredibly happy I was offered enrollment but I had no job and my parents wanted me to save what little money I had at the time. I think as well I talked myself out of it because I was afraid to fail and it was a 2 year program I was afraid I would waste money on. So again I didn’t do it.


Flash forward 6 or 7 years and here I am. I have little money, no job, and live at home with my parents. I regret not taking one of those two paths but I was an adult at the time and could have. I can’t and won’t blame anyone else, I am however disappointed in my self.

Since then I have tried to get a literary agent but as it is I have been rejected more times then I will admit here. But I think as long as I am trying I am not failing. One only fails if they fail to try.

I look to these Quotes to encourage me to keep trying:

“Many of life’s failures are people who had not realized how close they were to success when they gave up.” - Thomas A Edison

“You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don't try.”

I know the market is selective and subjective and that 99% of query emails are rejected. I get infuriated that I can’t seem to become part of the 1%. I know I shouldn’t but I often start to question my own material after a rejection.

What is worse is I feel I can’t explain this properly to those I know. I have ones in my life who think my writing will never take me anywhere and that it is a waste of time. I feel that makes me want it even more, to prove a point not only to them but to myself, that I can do it. Of course I do have those that back me and my writing.

I feel I can’t even talk about my stories or seeking representation to some without having the feeling that they don’t care and think it is a waste of time. They ask why I bother to send out more query’s after a rejection. I say even the most famous authors had dozens if not hundreds of NO (Rejections) before they got a YES! (Acceptance).

I think all the things that happened to not only me but those around me have made me a better writer. I have lived and learned what works with my writing and what doesn’t. I have learned what mistakes I have made in seeking representation. I have with what I have learned tried to help others and wish them the best. Even though I have not been published I feel I have helped others know where to go to research what it takes to try and get published or become stronger in their writing.

I think maybe sometimes that the path I am on is where I am supposed to be. Maybe all the worries and trials (both personally *which I have not gone into them all here*and with my writing), and rejections will make me stronger. When I finally do get published or not then what has occurred before will help me write even more compelling stories.

Then I wonder and start to delve into what ifs and if anyone has ever done that is sucks. I think once someone starts what if(ing) life choices it does no good but drives one insane. There is no time travel contraption to let us do, do over’s. We have done the best we could with what we had and what we knew at the time. Since time is flowing forward we can’t go back and change a thing. Even though I know that I do what if my choices. Then I wonder if I had taken any other path would I be somewhere so much different then I am now and if I had would my life and writings be different, bad or good. LOL, I think about this too much!

I know this is a lot to read and I seem to jump from point to point but I have a lot to say, LOL! As always I thank all that read my blog and find it helpful, maybe enlightening, funny, interesting, odd, crazy, cool, and etcetera. I hope this post helps others or me in some way but I hope again no one thinks I am belittling anyone else’s larger problems with my seemingly small ones.

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