I often don’t go into my struggles so publicly and often not
even to those I know well but I thought why not just get it out. Maybe others
feel the same but I don’t want it to seem that I think my little problems
compared to some problems are more devastating or something. I know people out
there are suffering and have far more problems than I but that doesn’t mean my
problems or anyone else’s are any less important to me or them.
I have some regrets as many do about a few things. I am 26
years old but I feel I have wasted the last 6 or 7 years.
Back in 2007 after I graduated from High School I was going
to go to Europe for a while and my parents
said I should save the money I had. So I didn’t go.
Then late 2007 into mid 2008 there was a Breaking into Print
Program that would have given me college credit, refund guarantee if not
satisfied and one on one instruction. Only one third of applicants are offered
enrollment and I was accepted after my writing test was evaluated. Back then
the 2 year program would have cost nearly $900. The program has a good track
record. Also their guarantee and promise is by time a person completes Breaking
into Print program they have at least 2 manuscripts that are suitable for
submission to editors, write a character sketch, and plans for 6 stories or
articles, and 8 complete manuscripts.
Well I was incredibly happy I was offered enrollment but I
had no job and my parents wanted me to save what little money I had at the
time. I think as well I talked myself out of it because I was afraid to fail
and it was a 2 year program I was afraid I would waste money on. So again I
didn’t do it.
Flash forward 6 or 7 years and here I am. I have little
money, no job, and live at home with my parents. I regret not taking one of
those two paths but I was an adult at the time and could have. I can’t and
won’t blame anyone else, I am however disappointed in my self.
Since then I have tried to get a literary agent but as it is I have been
rejected more times then I will admit here. But I think as long as I am trying
I am not failing. One only fails if they fail to try.
I look to these Quotes to encourage me to keep trying:
“Many of life’s failures are people who had not realized how close they were
to success when they gave up.” -
Thomas A Edison
“You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if
you don't try.”
I know the market is selective and subjective and that 99%
of query emails are rejected. I get infuriated that I can’t seem to become part
of the 1%. I know I shouldn’t but I often start to question my own material
after a rejection.
What is worse is I feel I can’t explain this properly to
those I know. I have ones in my life who think my writing will never take me
anywhere and that it is a waste of time. I feel that makes me want it even more,
to prove a point not only to them but to myself, that I can do it. Of course I do have those that back me and my writing.
I feel I can’t even talk about my stories or seeking
representation to some without having the feeling that they don’t care and
think it is a waste of time. They ask why I bother to send out more query’s
after a rejection. I say even the most famous authors had dozens if not
hundreds of NO (Rejections) before they got a YES! (Acceptance).
I think all the things that happened to not only me but
those around me have made me a better writer. I have lived and learned what
works with my writing and what doesn’t. I have learned what mistakes I have
made in seeking representation. I have with what I have learned tried to help
others and wish them the best. Even though I have not been published I feel I
have helped others know where to go to research what it takes to try and get
published or become stronger in their writing.
I think maybe sometimes that the path I am on is where I am
supposed to be. Maybe all the worries and trials (both personally *which I have
not gone into them all here*and with my writing), and rejections will make me
stronger. When I finally do get published or not then what has occurred before
will help me write even more compelling stories.
Then I wonder and start to delve into what ifs and if
anyone has ever done that is sucks. I think once someone starts what if(ing)
life choices it does no good but drives one insane. There is no time travel contraption
to let us do, do over’s. We have done the best we could with what we had and
what we knew at the time. Since time is flowing forward we can’t go back and
change a thing. Even though I know that I do what if my choices. Then I wonder
if I had taken any other path would I be somewhere so much different then I am
now and if I had would my life and writings be different, bad or good. LOL, I
think about this too much!
I know this is a lot to read and I seem to jump from point
to point but I have a lot to say, LOL! As always I thank all that read my blog
and find it helpful, maybe enlightening, funny, interesting, odd, crazy, cool,
and etcetera. I hope this post helps others or me in some way but I hope again
no one thinks I am belittling anyone else’s larger problems with my seemingly
small ones.
